My friend,
I miss you and I’m praying that i’ll come by and visit again soon.
Remember when we first sat together in Geology 2. I so clearly recall that afternoon, it was instant friendship. You became my teammate in BC 100 and classmate in Journ 132. You introduced me to some of your PAGTA peers and we’ve spend quite a big deal of academic time together. You and me, Marian and Chaulles–we were hardly separated during productions. And it was such a fun time. My memories include sleepless nights editing BC 130 Prod in Campo Sioco, dinner and pre-selection of pictures in Chowking Lower Session Rd and fieldwork partner in Ilocos fieldtrip for Geo 2. You were also there when i needed a company in the lobby or someone to talk to after classes. You were always there.
Do you recall when we first met after you came back from the South East Asian Tour. You were surprised to see me gain weight yet you’re so welcoming. We hugged and chatted for hours, to our relief that we can have more time to spare than before. So you told me the whole story, beggining the tirade of your admission adventure until the end of the once-in-a-lifetime tour. The selection process that you had to passed through and how you, well, efforlessly hurdled the challenge. You were so humble to share that one of the members of the panel commented “you are not intelligent but so witty and young and full of fresh ideas.” Sure you are an asset to these bunch of aristocrats. So goes the story of your becoming a diplomat. And more.
The pictures that you showed to me during my previous home visit documents your triumphs and tragedies. You have won far more victories by just having your family around to give unconditional love and support. You were not even afraid when faced with that time that you have to prepare for the danger of the operation. To put simply, that was sheer bravery. Even most astounding was the speed of your recovery after checking out at St Luke’s Hospital. You were a survivor.
Yet amidst this, I have not truly known your struggles. We were mostly preoccupied with the new and exciting when we engage in conversations. Seldom or never at all (i’m not sure) have we crossed the topic to talk about your heart problem. You were not one who is apt to think or talk about such things. I often wonder where do you pull out all the energy. So your’e not one bit of the candidate for my future friend-who-experience-the-heart illness- list.
I’m not sure how I got the news but when I heard (from Ate Mariel Bayangos and after Aileen confirmed) what happened,with regard to the serious hospitalization and Doctor’s fau pax, heaven’s sake, why am I shocked? But of course, I cannot do anything but pray. I wasn't’t even able to visit you in the hospital.
Not just yet. But I am looking forward to the promise. Remember your Mom and Dad’s promise that I’d better come back so I can witness the gold pouring. Oh, the thought thrills me with excitement. Remember my promise to come back and visit again. Remember!
When I come back, you must never forget that you,too, promised to get well.
And that will be my wish list for your this new year, to be back (like nothing happened) and for me to come back and visit soon. Congratulations for the healthy recovery!!
P.S. I received your text message on July 2008 about recent developments on your health (I never doubted) but I wasn't’t able to reply. And I forgot to mention in the letter the topsy-turvy BC Internship that we've experienced together. I’ll try to call you when I’m not too busy in the office.
Best regards,
Valerie Blue D. Claveria
I woke up late this morning and had to involve everyone in the house in my problem beginning from this lack of discipline. My hastiness prompted them all to panic with me as I’m fretting about how things as trivial as my water had not yet been prepared. I even shouted at Lola Maria in an uncontrollable burst of agonizing frustration to get what I wanted in a glimpse. Today’s scene is anything but new, though one day, I sincerely want to change the way things are running around the home. Supposedly, I have to settle with the things that benefits us all. Daily “should-be’s” include, no unnecessary outrage, less complaints and worrying and never demanding. My perspective versus my behavior prompted an attitude-check causing an alarm: I’m missing the point. This morning, everything was a mess. Not because I failed to rise early from bed but because I did not rely on the Master to make the worst a best. Clearly, I manage to hurdle significant pressure and stress from the past. Until, the light of my existence vis-à-vis, the reason of my being, dawned upon me. The life which i now live, is fully determined and dependent upon that Vertical Line—my personal relationship with Jesus. I can only depend on Him and that dependence is only by grace. How very forgetful a human I am, a sinner simply forgiven. I should have kneeled down on my knees and trusted in His infinite grace to supply the days needs and fill my shortcomings. Today was tough. The only thing I can change is myself. The evil of today is sufficient for me to know the difference between the fool and wise. Just as I am.
This is an excerpt from Karen O' Connor
Believing that somehow we aren't enough--not pretty enough, thin enough, sexy enough,patient enough. Enough, whatever that is, we aren't it. Deep in our guts we honestly believe that we're defective in some way that can never be fixed....Bankruptcy doesn't work because being in debt is not really a money issue. It is an issue of self-esteem and our feelings of not being enough, doing enough, or having enough. Women in debt try to fill the emptiness inside by spending money on themselves or others.
Hannah Whitall Smith, author of The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life warns us that:
"There is never any 'profit' in it, but always a grievous loss, and it can never turn out to be anything but 'vanity and vexation of spirit.' Have we not all discovered something of this in our experience? You have set your heart, perhaps, on procuring something for the benefit or pleasure of your own great big ME; but when you have secured it, this ungrateful ME has refused to be satisfied, and has turned away from what it has cost you so much to procure, in weariness and disgust. Never, under any circumstances, has it really in the end paid you to try and exalt your great exacting ME, for always, sooner or later, it has all proved to be 'nothing but vanity and vexation of spirit."
Safe to say, it is only when we look at the cross that we see the true worth of human beings. The cross of Christ supplies the answer for it calls us both to self-denial and self-affirmation.
Am i supposed to love or hate myself? John R. W. Stott says "a satisfactory answer cannot be given without reference to the cross."
